Bathroom Confessionals
by My-Bella
Summary: More than you ever wanted to know about the Cullens' bathrooms. Rated "M" for suggestive & naughty language. This is a Cookie League Production. If you enjoy, please check out our other stories.


**DISCLAIMER:** The characters do not belong to us…We are just making them do silly things.

**This production of Silly Friday Theater has been brought to you by the Epic collaborative work of Hellopants and My-Bella. Enjoy! **

Hi. My name is George. I'm a shower. I spend my days and nights whiling away my time, hoping my grout doesn't mildew, waiting for when Emmett or Rosalie grace me with their presence. I like it when they take separate showers 'cause man, when they are together ... let's just say my tiles have seen things that no piece of porcelain should ever be subjected to.

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Hello. My name is Jasmin. I'm a Jacuzzi tub. I like to read the fashion magazines Alice throws all over the bathroom! I have the privilege of seeing every person in the house, but only my masters step in. I love it when Jasper adds rose petals for her, but I really take a beating when he joins her. They've had to replace my spout forty-five times! Do you know what it's like to have FOURTY-FIVE nose jobs?

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Hi. It's me, George, again. See that tub over there? That's Timmy. He gets most of the action from Emmett since the man likes to play with his pirate ships. He fills Timmy up with bubble bath and then pretends the bubbles are cloud banks hiding the pirate ships from the poor, unsuspecting seamen. Emmett likes to narrate out loud and every time he says seamen, he chuckles like an idiot.

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Hi, my name is Fredrico. Esme named me after reading a romance novel. I am the handsomest shower in the house. I feel a little awkward when Carlisle steps inside because I am all Esme's. She had me specially made in Spain. When Esme meets up with me, I feel like a new shower. But when Carlisle joins her, I want to turn the water to boiling. In fact, I have done that, but it didn't seem to do much, though. I'm made of granite, too, Esme! It may only be pieces of granite, but you can't blame me for wanting you. I can't stand to watch you read your romance novels from that scoundrel Kendrik, the bath tub!

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I am Julia, Edward's shower, and the closest he has ever been to a woman. That Bella chick doesn't count because he won't even enter the bathroom if she's not completely clothed. I like the little human. She has a lovely voice and when it bounces off my tiles, it makes me happy. But seriously, she needs marry the boy and make him a man. If I have to put up with watching him flog his nozzle one more time...Sorry, I know that was crude. I really think I should have been Emmett's shower. That boy knows how to make a shower feel useful! And I love his dirty pirate talk.

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Hi, my name is Steve. I am a small shower and bath tub combo. I have a little extra junk in my trunk, but I am very happy with my size. I adore the smell of that sweet little Bella's shampoo. Although, I must admit, she is rather stunning when the water runs down over her...Stop that thought, Steve! Remember, she is the master's daughter. Ugh, the master! How he ever had such a beautiful daughter is beyond me. I mean, have you ever had to see Charlie naked? He may be a cop, but he really needs to lay off the doughnuts, or maybe it's that amazing Bella's cooking. I can smell her cooking from up here! I still haven't met this Edward she keeps talking about when she showers. Maybe he is a plumber, but why would she make those noises thinking about a plumber?

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My name's Action and I'm Alice and Jasper's shower. Everyone looks at them and thinks they're so sweet because they don't romp all over the house like Emmett and Rosalie. But you don't know what's it like! It's a war zone in here when those two get started. I never know if all my parts will make it through it alive. During the last battle, I lost three really good tiles. And my nozzle was damaged when Alice pushed Jasper up against it. At least I know that when I make it to shower heaven, I will receive a purple heart for my tour of duty.

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Hello, ladies! My name is Kendrik, The Incredible. I am the glue in Esme's romance novel bindings. That corrupted shower, Fredrico, keeps trying to steal her from me, but he can't cradle her like I can! When I see that Carlisle fellow touch her, I want to rip out of the floor and go after him! Oh, if I could only move from this spot and be able to do what I have read in Esme's romance novels! Sadly, I want to do them to that corrupted Fredrico. He is just so solid, and manly! Dang it! Someone turn on the bathroom fan. It's getting hot in here...Or is it just Fredrico? When I see Esme step inside Fredrico, I can't take my eyes off of them. That Carlisle should come over here so I can try and electrocute him again!

**HPMBHPMBHPMBHPMBHPMBHPMBHPMBHPMBHPMBHPMBHPMBHPMBHPMBHPMB**

Happy Friday to you all! We hope you liked it!


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